My Thoughts for Reformed Christian Singles on Dating and Courting

Written by Sarah Deringer

As a Reformed Christian single, have you felt God’s calling to marriage? Whether it is a hope you have had most of your life or whether it is from a Biblical call from 1 Corinthians 7:9 (NASB) – “But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion?” If you want a Biblical marriage as a Reformed Christian single, where do you turn? What steps do you take to find a godly spouse?

When preparing for dating, consider these steps:

Pray. Prayer is important because it draws us into the throne room of God; we do not need to fear when calling out to God. He cares for us (1 Peter 5:7), and we can trust all our worries and needs with Him.

1 Peter 5:7 (NASB) – “Casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.”

Read Bible verses on marriage. God’s word is sufficient for your situation, and is able to give you wisdom for all of life (2 Timothy 3:16-17). You can trust God’s word to give you a general idea of what to look for in a person; you will not find in God’s word the exact person’s name that you will end up marrying.

2 Timothy 3:16-17 (NASB) – “All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness; so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work.”

Evaluate your heart and life. Are you ready for marriage? Are you asking God for marriage with wrong or selfish motives (James 4:3)? Do you have a saving faith in Christ, or have you misled yourself (Hebrews 4:1)?

James 4:3 (NASB) – “You ask and you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your pleasures.” 

Hebrews 4:1 (NASB) – “Therefore, let us fear if, while a promise remains of entering His rest, any one of you may seem to have come short of it.” 

Talk with your pastor. Ask him if he feels that you are ready for marriage. Ask him for any wisdom he has for your search for a spouse. While he does not have every answer nor is he perfect, he may have some insight into your life that could help you prepare for a spouse. He can walk you through God’s word (Ephesians 4:11-13) and help you find any resources for learning more about marriage.

Ephesians 4:11-12 (NASB) – “And He gave some as apostles, and some as prophets, and some as evangelists, and some as pastors and teachers, for the equipping of the saints for the work of service, to the building up of the body of Christ.” 

Consider having other church members set you up on a date with another single person; if that makes you uncomfortable, try online Reformed Christian dating with Sovereign Grace Singles. SGS has a robust community of other Reformed believers from around the world that encourage one another (1 Thessalonians 5:11) and point each other to Christ.

1 Thessalonians 5:11 (NASB) – “Therefore encourage one another and build up one another, just as you also are doing.”

Stay in step with the Spirit (Galatians 5:16). When you take steps to obey God and practice resisting sin, you can walk with the Spirit and become stronger in your faith. Doing this is not always easy; however, you can reap much fruit from it.

Galatians 5:16 (NASB) – “But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh.”

Stay in fellowship with your church. Your church can encourage you when you feel discouraged with your search for a spouse. You can also practice serving others (Ephesians 6:7) while being an active member of your church.

Ephesians 6:7 (NASB) – “With good will render service, as to the Lord, and not to men.”

Guard your heart (Proverbs 4:23). You may strike out on the first few people that you talk to, so do not set your heart on them or make an idol out of the person you talk to. While they care about you, they may have extenuating circumstances, such as needing to take care of aging parents, that may stop them from being able to pursue marriage quickly. Therefore, be understanding of the other person and that the relationship may not work out.  

Proverbs 4:23 (NASB) – “Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.”

Be careful what you share (Proverbs 2:11) before you know who you are talking with. You may be talking with someone who has wrong motives, so protect your information.

Proverbs 2:11 (NASB) – “Discretion will guard you, understanding will watch over you.”

Give grace to potential mates (Colossians 3:13). All people are sinners and are at different areas in their journey with Christ. By giving grace to the other person, you can build a better relationship. 

Colossians 3:13 (NASB) – “Bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.” When God calls you to marriage, do not delay in obedience. You can gain so much by taking steps to finding your godly spouse through Reformed Christian dating or courting and by trusting God with your love story.”

When God calls you to marriage, do not delay in obedience. You can gain so much by taking steps to finding your godly spouse through Reformed Christian dating or courting and by trusting God with your love story.”

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  1. It seems to me that, in order to find a godly marriage partner and to marry well and stay married, it is important to start out with a proper view of marriage and of the people who make marriages work–or not.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G8hmo0Ji-uo
    Tim and Kathy Keller | Marriage in Gospel Focus | TGCW12

    Timothy Keller wrote The Meaning of Marriage to affirm the value of marriage in God’s plan for His people and to address the distorted view of marriage that has dominated modern culture for decades.

    Fear of marriage based on a distorted view of marriage seems, according to Keller, to be why it is often difficult to marry and stay married, even (and perhaps especially) among Christians.

    Prayer, Bible study, waiting on God . . . all of these are important, but if people desiring marriage aren’t looking for marriage as it **really** is, while being aware of who they **really** are, it seems to me they will never find it.

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